Brain Fog & my Charlie Brown Moment

In the past five days my fingers have typed null a word. I have not actually even checked my email or made any phone calls either. I have been in what most MSers refer to as Brain Fog (my friends and family without MS have told me they get brain fog too sometimes). I refer to it as Brain Lockdown actually because that is more of what it feels like to me.

To make the brain matters (no pun intended) even worse, I began taking Topamax or (dope-a-max) last week in a defeated attempt to control my migraines once again. Topamax did work for me the last time I was on it. However, I was on several medications at the time and having many side effects, so I went off all my medications. Unfortunately, my migraines resumed quickly after I discontinued the Topamax.

You know, I’m not really sure whether the side effects of Topamax are just so similar to Brain Fog, or they just exacerbate Brain Fog. Either way, wouldn’t anyone agree it is not an exciting predicament to be in? I am starting off slowly as you are supposed to. It is called a titrated dose, examle… 25 mg for a week, then 50 mg for the next week, then 75 mg for the remainder of treatment. Some medications you must also titrate off of. I am only taking the 25 mg tab but I already feel groggy in the morning. It feels like that “I can’t speak until I have had a cup of coffee.” feeling.

Yesterday I took Provigil which did help me get through the day but I was still unable to accomplish much. Most of what I got done yesterday was watching my husband hang up a divider in our sons room. And that wore me out! We had a whole Saturday to do some spring cleaning and ended up doing a lot of work in our sons room downstairs. Our puppy had claimed the carpet down there as his potty area and we are struggling to reclaim it or at least its original & more pleasant odor. I am worried we are going to have to replace the flooring down there. We still have a couple of options left to try before we give up, so we will cross our fingers, eyes, and toes for now that something works. It was so unbelievably nice to for my honey to have the whole Saturday off. Our little Lilli goes to ballet in the moning but then he is typically off to work. I really enoyed all of us being together yesterday; no school, no work…it was refreshing.

A snapshot of brain fog.

Yesterday morning, bleary eyed, I was sitting on my stool, cooking scrambled eggs for my son when I realized that I had heard him say something a few moments earlier but I did not really HEAR what he said. It was my Charlie Brown Moment; you know, when an adults speaks in a Charlie Brown cartoon, they sound like, “wahh wah wahh wah wah wah wahh wahh wahhw wahwa wahwa wahwa wah wa wa wah wah waaah.” So, I asked my son who just happens to have Autism, “Did you say something to me?” and he replied, “Ya but you didn’t answer.” I could not believe that I only heard what he said as purely sound and not words. I was not even spaced out thinking about anything! When he said something to me it literally sounded like backround noise.

Is that what it’s like to have Autism? It was then that I had a moment of clarity into what brain space my sons might be in when I call their name, or speak to them, or when things are going on on around them. I got it. They may hear the sound of my voice but not my words, they do not make out the meaning of what they are hearing all the time. Makes sense to me why they frequently do not respond to their names. It probably sounds like “wahah” and that is what everything else at that moment sounds like too. It is an interesting perception to me as their mom.